Some people think I’m so cool and so great and so intellectual. What they don’t know is that I find myself stupid, and that I cry when I have to do my academic things because my brain cannot organize things properly and just randomly spits out information, all the while looking smug.. Then refuses to go near the mess afterward. The brain they envy is a douchebag. Sometimes I wish I could trade it in with theirs.
I am gaining new friends mysteriously, slight recognition from more professors, and news of admiration from freshmen and other students. At the same time I am losing neurons, what little amount of blind motivation I have, and the ability to sleep and think.
Things are once again turning pale. I have begun contemplating cutting myself.
They see, but they can’t. And what they see, they believe. Underneath it all, it is I who chokes to death.
P.S. Michael Kelso is my spirit animal.