I just got up from a 12-hour sleep-coma, and I can’t go back to sleep anymore. Well, it’s not like I want to; you get sick of sleep after a while. But anyway, since I really don’t have anything else to do, I figured I might as well post something here. I’ve accumulated quite a few things in my head these past few days, having skipped blogging & opting to waste away every waking moment of my life sleeping. August’s here all of a sudden, and I am genuinely surprised.
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It’s a good thing that nobody’s been visiting my site. Really, it is. 2 months ago, when I first began this blog, I gained a new follower everyday, or somebody always likes my posts. I’m not bragging (and it’s nothing to brag about, really; up to this day I only have about 70 followers), but back then I felt like I’ve finally found the people out there who’d pay attention to me. But as more time passed by, I realized that most of these people needed to increase traffic to their site, or were blogs that posted a single kind of thing that I happened to be posting as well (e.g. poetry, music, etc.) ergo did not really see my posts as a human being. They wanted a trade: I view yours, you view mine.
And to be honest, it made me feel bad about myself even more. I had deluded myself into thinking that people actually appreciated my thoughts, only to be slammed by the fact that they were probably just scouring a tag and liking everything that’s there. Recently I changed my URL & my blog’s name, even after reading somewhere that Google takes at least 4 months to re-index a site & thus would cause it to lose traffic. I think I went through with it because of that. So yes, right now I’m enjoying invisibility again. I’ve been posting less & less too, but that’s only because now I know I can post whatever whenever, because I don’t have some adoring crowd to cater to. This is a good kind of disillusionment; it’s good that I don’t need a little orange notification to push myself to write anymore.
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We had a sleepover/movie marathon yesterday, err, the other night. It was with my other set of friends—the first ones I made from my bloc during freshman year (minus two others). We started a little late and had class the next day, so we only got to watch maybe 5 movies or so. It was nice; I never hang out with the two of them anymore. I’m good friends with the girl, but I had a spat with the guy a few years ago, so this is really the first time in a long while. Our tastes in stuff usually coincide as well, so we pretty much liked everything we watched. My other friend (the girl) wasn’t feeling well, though, so she slept through most of it. We’re planning to do it again some time soon, and there are also plans of a movie marathon/sleepover with my other set of friends. I’m pretty excited about all of it. It gives off the wrong impression of me being a beautiful social butterfly, though. It’s not that I have a lot of friends—in each of these sets there are only 3 people at most—I just feel that I have to put in certain efforts in order to keep them, and if I can enjoy these efforts then I will. I just hope my academic issues aren’t exacerbated (ooh big word) by all of these.
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I found this neat site called Tapely where you can make online mixtapes. You just have to upload the tracks you’ll use, then you can reorder them & change their titles. You can also add album art to your tape & choose from a few fonts & layouts. It’s basically a prettied-up online playlist, but it’s still pretty cool because there’s a certain artistry in the way people pick images to use & fonts to go with it, plus the songs, all of it presented in such an eye-friendly manner. Of course I still agree that nothing beats the real thing when it comes to mixtapes, but this site makes for good practice, both visually and aurally.
Now that we have that short advertisement out of the way (eheheh), let’s get to my real point: I posted two mixes there. The first one, In Cranium, is actually an old mix that I handmade & gave to a friend as a birthday present (which he still hasn’t listened to because apparently he can’t appreciate things without boobs, damn him); I just included the original album cover I made to serve as the playlist’s art. The second, Music Sounds Better With You, I made from scratch just the other day, inspired by the song of the same title by Thomas Bangalter’s Stardust project (♥) If there’s anyone out there, give them a listen if you want. I’ve only posted/made two so far, but I’ll probably be making more mixtapes, both on Tapely & real handmade ones, regardless of whether anyone wants to hear them or not.
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I’ve been feeling like shit again these past few days. If I’m not crying, I’m usually sleeping to avoid crying. I can’t enjoy reading anymore, I can’t write, I can’t think, and food doesn’t taste like anything. I’m almost always sleepy, and I’m easily irritated. These are relatively new symptoms, but I sure as hell hope this isn’t a sign of any new mental issues I’d have to deal with beside my current one(s).
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It’s a quarter past 5 in the morning here. I forgot to take out the trash last night, so I have to get them out early today if I don’t want my trash bags torn to bits by stray dogs & my garbage strewn around the driveway. It’s extremely unnerving to see last night’s canned dinner & your used tissues littered where strangers walk by; it’s like they find out things about you that they’re not supposed to, and you feel so guilty.
Speaking of trash, I saw an article posted online last year about Sweden running out of trash due to their [exceedingly] efficient waste-to-energy system, and are being paid to take other countries’ trash, which they then use to fuel their country. Fuck if that isn’t genius. I’m seriously tempted to Google “is there anything wrong with Sweden” right now, because that country just seems so perfect. (I mean Peter Bjorn & John is from there, like hell man if that’s not a perfect country I don’t know what is) I truly hope to live there someday.
Outside, the sky’s starting to light up blue. Time to put on several layers of clothing under a big jacket & take out the trash.