To be honest, I think the idea that

To be honest, I think the idea that fueled my love for you the most was that you probably, at one point, did feel something for me. It’s lame how I base this from all the interactions we have on Facebook, and that one time we met this year, when you came to Baguio. But in my defense, communication over Facebook is still communication, and if you PM a person, it means you want to talk to them, and combined with knowing how you are as a person, I came to the assumption that you are not the kind of person who usually texts someone in the middle of the night about something you talked about; neither are you the kind of person who usually is happy when talking to a person who is not in your usual proximity of friends. So yes, even as I look at my arguments now, it still looks like shit. But it’s mostly because I can’t explain it well. All I know is that I consider it strongly, and that the idea makes sense, given how you had reacted after finding out that I had feelings for you: your instinct was to run away, because you did not know what to do with a person that you feel something  for and who actually feels something (a euphemism on my part) for you too. In all actuality if I were in your position I would do the exact same thing, so I guess I understand. What bugs me the most is how I will never know the truth with regards to this thought, and to everything in relation to us. I’m more afraid of this uncertainty than any kind of rejection or any prospect of a relationship.

I’ll never know.


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