26. Disentangle

My love, you have killed me.

Like an octopus with a gun for a mouth,
you caught me in your many arms
& put a bullet through my chest.

Appendages so soft but cold
coil around me, inside me,
crushing what little light in my life I hold
& wringing out the very last of my happiness.
Yet I long to stay in your quicksand grip,
for my heart only beats
to the rhythm of your ever-tightening grasp;
a heart now reduced
to tendrils of gray matter.

For you pressed your lips to my heart,
& without meaning to, spoke words that echoed
across the darkness of the depths of my vacuum soul,
where no light dare settle but for your voice,
your voice,
which bore down like a beacon
on the surface of my eyeless existence,
& broke through
to my sleeping senses, waking them,
making them dance with anguish & joy; with life.

I am alive in your bright hopelessness.

As my heart awoke, I slipped into sleep
in the dark deep, & swam through life
as if in a vivid ocean of complex feelings.

But in the hair’s breadth of a breath,
your voice turned from a beacon into a bullet,
plowing through my thoughts & reasons,
destroying me; utterly, completely,
in my sleep, unmoving.
As I lie in tatters in your vice-grip
of maybe’s & we’ll see’s,
of false hopes & dead-end chances,
I resurfaced into waking.

You are fading into the darkness.

A lungful of blood & ocean,
& my eyes awaken to the sight
of my broken form floating all around me.

One breath by one, your grip lets loose
& your lips push me away,
words jetting out into the open
as an arm waving goodbye.
I swim out into the emptiness,
empty but for the remnants of my being,
torn and shredded
by the brightness of your voice,
which shone light upon my heart;
a light which, alas, set alight my sanity
in the same blink.

I disentangle, & swim to the surface
until the light breaks upon my face.
At last, at last,
I am unbound
& your lips are nothing more
but mere memories of my downfall.
The pieces of my crushed illusions
swirl in a haze around me, & I am just as free.
I am decimated, but destruction is nil a price
for the repose of my heart.

My love, I have been freed.

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