My love, you have killed me.
Like an octopus with a gun for a mouth,
you caught me in your many arms
& put a bullet through my chest.
Appendages so soft but cold
coil around me, inside me,
crushing what little light in my life I hold
& wringing out the very last of my happiness.
Yet I long to stay in your quicksand grip,
for my heart only beats
to the rhythm of your ever-tightening grasp;
a heart now reduced
to tendrils of gray matter.
For you pressed your lips to my heart,
& without meaning to, spoke words that echoed
across the darkness of the depths of my vacuum soul,
where no light dare settle but for your voice,
which bore down like a beacon
on the surface of my eyeless existence,
& broke through
to my sleeping senses, waking them,
making them dance with anguish & joy; with life.
I am alive in your bright hopelessness.
As my heart awoke, I slipped into sleep
in the dark deep, & swam through life
as if in a vivid ocean of complex feelings.
But in the hair’s breadth of a breath,
your voice turned from a beacon into a bullet,
plowing through my thoughts & reasons,
destroying me; utterly, completely,
in my sleep, unmoving.
As I lie in tatters in your vice-grip
of maybe’s & we’ll see’s,
of false hopes & dead-end chances,
I resurfaced into waking.
You are fading into the darkness.
A lungful of blood & ocean,
& my eyes awaken to the sight
of my broken form floating all around me.
One breath by one, your grip lets loose
& your lips push me away,
words jetting out into the open
as an arm waving goodbye.
I swim out into the emptiness,
empty but for the remnants of my being,
torn and shredded
by the brightness of your voice,
which shone light upon my heart;
a light which, alas, set alight my sanity
in the same blink.
I disentangle, & swim to the surface
until the light breaks upon my face.
At last, at last,
I am unbound
& your lips are nothing more
but mere memories of my downfall.
The pieces of my crushed illusions
swirl in a haze around me, & I am just as free.
I am decimated, but destruction is nil a price
for the repose of my heart.
My love, I have been freed.