41. Water Tanks

sky_41Strange places where tanks tower overhead? That doesn’t sound so bad.

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In A Hollow Place

Nothing’s been going on in my head lately. Again. For the nth time. I have a feeling that this is going to turn into another one of those “empty-trips” that happen to seize me on certain random days. I’ve been through this more times than I can count now, and I guess in this case that’s a good thing because it means I already know that I can survive it (because I have survived). Still, I can’t help but be afraid of it, mainly because of that irrational sensation of the experience being endless when you’re going through it. I also know that this is just a symptom of the undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder I have, but even the simple knowledge of these things add to the pressure of being able to tough it out & sit through it & emerge with less scars than last time. It also fucking sucks, because when I’m like this, I can’t write anything. That in itself is a nightmare, but it gets worse: when I can’t write, it usually comes as a package with not being able to think. This is bad news, because there is a fuckload of schoolwork to be done (what with the midterm coming up), and this semester I wanted to try actually putting in an active effort instead of just blabbering my way through everything.. With this state of mind (being?), though, I can kiss that hope goodbye. Oh god, my issues have got to be dealt with sooner or later; I’m too stupid and insecure to go on this way.

39. High Wires

sky_39Imagine if, when it rains, power flows from upright-fallen posts & courses through the sparsely-graveled ground. Imagine people stepping upon sloppy soil only to find themselves charred, burnt in the act of making a move to get outside. Imagine if the high wires touched the ground without so much as swaying an inch.

I’ve been back on Facebook since last weekend. I couldn’t resist; I bypassed the Cold Turkey software I installed. Been whoring away on the damned site since Sunday. I feel so dirty and weak uhuhu. Also, I feel like I’m more of a social media whore now than before UHUHUHU Maybe going cold turkey wasn’t such a good idea after all. I should have kept that “absence makes the heart grow fonder” adage in mind and thought it through before committing, & inevitably failing. I’ll try to set the software back up—because I have to do the procedure again if I want to confirm my assumptions—but I don’t think I can do it anytime soon. I’ll wait maybe a week more. In the meantime, I shall shamelessly post my random things day in and day out. Not much different from this blog, really, except this place needs to be run with a bit more conscience and finesse. Heheh yeah right, I don’t got to be finesse for nobody