Yes, I am once again en route to Manila. I am actually only around a half-hour away from getting off the bus, now that we’ve finally broken free from the traffic. It’s been a tedious 9-hour trip instead of the usual 6-7, partly because the tollway people are especially slow today. For the past hour it’s been a 3-second-advance-30-minute-stop tango, and most of us in the bus were already getting fidgety. I myself got up off my seat to peer out of windows a few times.
Anyway, so the entire trip I had been thinking of her again. I texted her last night; the last time she messaged me on Facebook, she said she had been really busy, going home every night at 10PM. I had wondered why she’s suddenly so busy, then I saw something on the ticker that kind of explained it (because like I said, I am observant when it comes to things I want): she was added as a member to a closed group called “Drumming Apps 1st Sem”. It seems she has signed up as a member of the Drum Corps for the Uni Pep Squad. It’s probably a rigorous thing, hence the schedule. So I texted her about it, and of course, she did not reply. I tried not to think too much of it, really I did.. But what I started thinking of was way worse and painful.
I think I’m finally starting to seriously talk myself out of trying to be with her.
Up until today I really only told myself that I had to let her be out of sheer obligation to keep my feet on the ground and to not be overly idealistic/romantic. It’s like it was a concept that I knew but could not understand. For the duration of this trip, though, I had been doing nothing but weighing everything that has anything to do with us: her status as a human being, my status as a human being, and the quixotic feel to everything. I actually tried being reasonable, and to a certain extent, I think I succeeded.
Well, I don’t want to go into any more detail, because this is not a blog dedicated to her; this is a blog about my life. And she is not my life.. At least, not anymore.
Finally, the bus is moving at a steady speed. Looks like I’ll be home in another hour or so. Yesssss